Only a few creatures in this world truly deserve to be called unspeakable horrors—creatures that will not only melt your face, but melt your soul . . . all the while laughing in your face. Creatures so frightful, so paralyzing, that to even hint at their presence would cause villages to flee in terror, Barrens Giraffes to keel over dead, and reinforced stone garrisons to spontaneously burst into flames.
Horrors, I tell ya!!
No, seriously, have you ever witnessed objects both animate and inanimate succumb to the most sinister, the most evil, dreadful, terrible creatures alive? I don’t even want to go into what could happen if you were to encounter one in person!
On second thought . . . let’s just say these things we cannot speak of will make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes!
No, it’s not quite good on toast!
I really don’t think you’re getting this. Never have I been more serious. If my battle-hardened experience cannot convince you that even mentioning this topic is threat enough to our existence, I’m left with little else to live for! And the thought of just one of these unspeakable creatures is enough to make even the almighty Major Payne need a change of undies.
Yeah, that’s right!
The inattentive glaze over your eyes tells me you refuse to understand the severity of what I’m trying to impart here. Perhaps the one creature we can speak about has more information. Crithto?
[HOVER MOUSE OVER IMAGE BELOW TO REVEAL UNSPEAKABLE HORROR]
Crithto: Personally, I don’t really see what the big deal is here, but judging by the glare I’m getting from Payne right now, perhaps I can explain things a bit better. This wide-eyed, grinning, singing monstrosity is capable of enraging whole raids, forcing mountain yetis to go into early hibernation, and Crafty itself to jump out of the water and onto your fishing raft. But let’s assume you’re audacious enough to capture one for yourself. Well, you’ll be able to spread fear by taking advantage of abilities like Sunlight and Solar Beam. You could even taunt death itself with Photosynthesis or Inspiring Song, followed by the Early spell. But—sigh—the Major is right. We really shouldn’t be talking about this.
Look, I can’t sit here and tell you to go to Hillsbrad Foothills to locate the farm near Sludgeguard Tower. Zombies abound, mad Brazie has a handful of tasks to complete, and the prize at the end is . . . I just can’t say! Besides, it would be too horrific to send you into something so perilous only to have you emerge a lifeless, mindless pawn doing this devious creature’s bidding. But ultimately, you control your own destiny, and I am but a leader whose reach can only go so far. So if you should choose to befriend a Singing Sunflower . . . may the Titans be with you.
TRICK OR TREAT!!